Ruminate & Reflect: My Worst Enemy

First things first: I don’t believe in airing out my dirty laundry online anymore. My teenage (and 20/21 year old self) kept making that mistake, but gladly I improved since. I only talk s*** if I need to say something out loud for the people in the back. Also, this means I wanna keep some things private. I do enjoy sharing life on social media, but at some point I grew tired and learned the beauty of privacy in the 2010’s. I try to keep some of my life details here to a minimum.

But there’s something I always wanted to share with you that’s really bothering me. And yeah, it’s very personal so I dunno what the hell did I just type before this. Yet I noticed I’m not alone in my problem. You probably relate to it, or know someone who does.

To put it short. I have anxiety.

That Thing Called TF Was I Thinking

It is the worst. It’s ruined a lot of chances for me. I’ve had hopes and dreams that it hindered. Every now and then I mention The Law of Attraction. It does work, but sometimes in the opposite of the way I want it to. And what’s worse with anxiety is you overthink almost everything. That one mistake? It turns into a big deal. Every time you get the worst idea of things, even when to other’s they’re nothing.

Lately I’m in a bind. Personally, 2016 treated me well even if it didn’t do so for the rest of the world. I feel like that year, I established myself and became the person I always wanted to be. I got a good job, traveled to the most amazing country I’ve ever been in, and looked the best I ever did.

It gave me enough goals to work  But this 2017, anxiety was like:

Anxiety in a nutshell. (American Horror Story: Coven / Fox)

And then the train-wreck of thoughts began. Think of it as a set of dominoes tumbling down. Or as a wave of a zombie horde. They also look like the seagulls in Finding Nemo:

Replace “Mine” with “Worry”. (Finding Nemo / Disney & Pixar)

And it will plague me for the rest of my life, because it works that way.


Smashing The Anxiety Button In The Face (Like A Boss)

Note: I wrote the following statements above while under anxiety. I’m well now, so I think I can write this part. 

But if I let this affect me all throughout, it will win. However, I can’t get rid of it entirely like I can get rid of those pounds. Yet I can put it to rest when I push great effort to it. Now how do I conquer the beast?

Most sites would tell me to find the root of the triggers. Trust me, I do identify what they are. But the more I do, the more I make a big deal out of it. Most likely it’s a form of denial because I keep on shutting them out. But when I do recognize it, what do I do? I rationalize them. Like think of it in a logical manner without the emotional baggage. Now the worry won’t go away, but they’ll stay quiet and invalid the moment I figure out its logic.

“Focus on positives” is another tip I keep getting. This applies to everything, really. But how do I apply this? I remember the things that make me happy. Like, the ones I get lost in. Learning Japanese, running, and watching movies / TV shows keep me in check. I surround myself with people who lift me up but at the same time, call me out when I cross lines.

Also, I definitely get help. Professional, opening up to good friends, and joining support groups. Just talk to people who you feel comfortable with. There are support groups out there on social media who could help you or refer you to professionals: Anxiety and Depression Support Group, or accounts like Self Love Club on Twitter. They know where you’re coming from.

Hey guys, right now I posted this to let you know that I’m struggling. But trust me when I say I’ll be okay, because I believe that’s always the end goal. Trust me. I apologize for the lack of content lately, but I’ll be back. I just want to let you know we all have our ups and downs too. 

Thank you for reading.



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